my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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