she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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