omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
