that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
