Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
