Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
