just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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