If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize