Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're like the curious george of whores
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
