This is not my ceiling
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
