Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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