I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
