I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
