I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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