girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
