Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize