Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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