There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
