Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
