its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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