where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
