no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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