Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
where are you?
Hypothermia
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
