First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
