whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
