my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize