You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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