Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
