dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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