So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
