I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
