Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
