we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
