he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
