i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
