Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
