this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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