I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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