i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
