now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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