I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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