don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
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im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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