When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
