3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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