why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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