he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
