I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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