What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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