i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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