Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
