Someone shit on the floor
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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