He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
