Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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