Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
