So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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