Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
