Say something about gay babies.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
