ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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