I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize