Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
FUCK WHALES
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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