Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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