Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I cockslap morals
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
