I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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