So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You pole danced in your parka.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
