So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i think i just lost a toe
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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