Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
