He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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