im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
