I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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