are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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