Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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