fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My bed smells like the plague
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
