get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
