I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
