It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there is puke in my bra ... again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
