Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
