So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
