A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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