Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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