No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
