there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
