The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
