It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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